A Challenging New Adventure

11 July 2026 Well, I haven't written since May it seems. Life has a habit of continuing with not many exciting deposits in it to write about or even reflect upon. Summer is here once again and it has been over 110 degrees consistently for a couple of weeks.....and I'm OVER IT!   I used to feel such love for the desert after so many years of living in colder climates, BUT...  love wanes sometimes. I'm ready to leave the desert behind me. Now, I must reiterate that the desert does have some advantages. I haven't had one mosquito bite in 5 years of living here. No ticks in the city life. Not much rain to speak of, and no snow, ever! The sun shines 350 days of the year and after two days of clouds, it feels like a month has gone by. I will miss the continuous sunshine. I will not miss the sand and dust everywhere, the intensity of the heat, the constant need for AC in the heat, and the multiplied occupants and drivers in the winter months. I'm looking at RV's to liv...

 21 May 2026 This morning there is a myriad of emotions going on inside. I have friends here named Dennis and Sue. They accept me for who I am as I do them. Dennis got pretty sick on May 5th, ended up in the hospital in and out of ICU, then into hospice and on the 16th he passed away. They were married over 20 years. She is devastated. On top of that Dennis' dad is 94 and is also in hospice in the VA hospital with Dementia. Sue is his only relative here and the only one he wants around him.  I thought losing Steve after watching him slowly die in our living room was difficult to go through, but I wasn't emotionally attached to him like Sue is to Dennis. I'm watching her walk this path and trying to be there for her while learning more about myself at the same time.  I don't know how to love anyone like that. I don't know how to give that much of myself to anyone, not even to Jesus. I don't know how to trust anyone, even myself, deep enough, real enough, honest e...

1 April 2026  Dear Me, I'm learning some things about you. I'm realizing that there are pieces of you that you have kept caged up, held back, unreleased, and ignored for many a year.  There are secrets within you that only God and you know. You've spent a few years trying to discern what was inside and release it, but you were always fearful of what others, including your lovers, would believe about you if you showed the truths. You gained expertise in mask wearing, fitting in wherever you needed to be, but ALWAYS hungry for someone to open up to completely. You found that person once, but also discovered you couldn't trust him with ALL of yourself, you weren't important enough to him. Perhaps, if you had had enough time together, you could have grown enough in trust to open yourself, BUT, again, you weren't important enough for him. Where is that one who will allow you to be completely your entire self? To reach inside of your safe place and help you draw out t...

  24 March 2026 In 2 days my little brother will be 72 years old. In a little over a month I will be 76, and in May my little sister will be 71. How fast time goes by. "sigh" I am finding some new things and areas of my life that have always been there but have changed in maturity and how they are expressed. New emotions, new internal experiences, new insight. New wisdom that makes me stop, look, and listen to where my footsteps are taking me. Ways to express myself and how I can feel sensual but not with youthful slutty expression. There's a big change I'm feeling. It's frightening, it can be over whelming, it's exciting and energizing. It's unknown but curious.   I like it....  

30 December, 2025 I haven't felt much like writing the last few weeks.  Sometimes Christmas will arrive and I will feel a twinge of the loss of Dad, and other times that loss will be large and in charge. This year I missed him a lot. He loved watching his family open each gift and always had that smile on his face of delight and happiness. Rarely did Dad have that kind of joy in his life, but Christmas was special for him.   Every Christmas morning he made a pancake breakfast for his family and guests who may be there. We all ate at the table and enjoyed his love. After cleaning up, we all gathered by the tree and one person would pick the first present, but not for themselves, and then pass it to the named person, who then opened it to all the ohhhs and aweeeees from all. Then that person picked the next present and passed it on, and so on, until every gift was opened, paper was spread everywhere, and we all got to see each person get excited about what they got. It took...

  23 Nov, 2025 Well, it's been almost a month since I wrote anything. I met a new neighbor three houses down and at first it seemed like it would be a good friendship. as 10 short days passed we discovered that we have distinctly different ideas of how to serve God and it seems we may have already severed the friendship. It's sad how fast things like that can happen. I didn't see this coming and it had a profound impact on my emotions, BUT GOD stepped in and began teaching me about how these things are not permanent damage, but a solid lesson in life with Him. Thank You Father.... Cheryl and I talk every evening now and are still trying to figure out how to live closer together. We are trying to listen to God's timing and be patient, but we've been talking for a little over 6 months now and maybe more. Somehow, we need to be closer. Praying for that to happen. Anyway, God is good, all the time and I know I can trust Him to work out what is best for me, in ALL things...