A Challenging New Adventure

  15 Sept. 2026 Well, here it is halfway through Sept. and I gave myself a timeline of the end of October to make the move to Idaho or staying here for the winter. That leaves me 6 weeks to find the place to live, sell my home, pack up all I'm taking, and get moved before the snowfall to where I'm traveling to. Truthfully, in my limited power, it can't be done.... BUT...I serve a God Who always does the impossible when I ask Him to and take my hands off of it. It could still happen. It could even happen after the snow falls, though I wouldn't want that. I'm someone who needs to understand things, how it's going to happen, when, who's going to pay for it all, and will I be happy after I get there or feel I made another huge life mistake? I'm always trying to understand how God's going to do it, hence, I'm always stepping on my own toes of accomplishment. I would love to say that I have full operation of the wisdom that God has given to me in full ...

7 Aug 2026 What an unexciting life I'm living. I have been trying once again to find a way to move back to Idaho and be closer to Cheryl. Prices for housing is way over our heads. I could move back in with her in that little wood box house with the compost toilet and endless bugs, no place to even put my clothes much less anything else....but, it would not be good for our relationship. We've already endured a 3 year not speaking period, this time it could last for the rest of our days and I'm not willing to risk that. It's so hard to live on such small income. There are little things that I indulge myself with like second hand clothes shopping or a dessert I shouldn't have. I found the perfect pick up truck in Emmett that I really want for $25K. It has everything I want in a vehicle, and I can't even afford that. )o:   There are so many advantages to a double income.  Sigh..... 

11 July 2026 Well, I haven't written since May it seems. Life has a habit of continuing with not many exciting deposits in it to write about or even reflect upon. Summer is here once again and it has been over 110 degrees consistently for a couple of weeks.....and I'm OVER IT!   I used to feel such love for the desert after so many years of living in colder climates, BUT...  love wanes sometimes. I'm ready to leave the desert behind me. Now, I must reiterate that the desert does have some advantages. I haven't had one mosquito bite in 5 years of living here. No ticks in the city life. Not much rain to speak of, and no snow, ever! The sun shines 350 days of the year and after two days of clouds, it feels like a month has gone by. I will miss the continuous sunshine. I will not miss the sand and dust everywhere, the intensity of the heat, the constant need for AC in the heat, and the multiplied occupants and drivers in the winter months. I'm looking at RV's to liv...

 21 May 2026 This morning there is a myriad of emotions going on inside. I have friends here named Dennis and Sue. They accept me for who I am as I do them. Dennis got pretty sick on May 5th, ended up in the hospital in and out of ICU, then into hospice and on the 16th he passed away. They were married over 20 years. She is devastated. On top of that Dennis' dad is 94 and is also in hospice in the VA hospital with Dementia. Sue is his only relative here and the only one he wants around him.  I thought losing Steve after watching him slowly die in our living room was difficult to go through, but I wasn't emotionally attached to him like Sue is to Dennis. I'm watching her walk this path and trying to be there for her while learning more about myself at the same time.  I don't know how to love anyone like that. I don't know how to give that much of myself to anyone, not even to Jesus. I don't know how to trust anyone, even myself, deep enough, real enough, honest e...

1 April 2026  Dear Me, I'm learning some things about you. I'm realizing that there are pieces of you that you have kept caged up, held back, unreleased, and ignored for many a year.  There are secrets within you that only God and you know. You've spent a few years trying to discern what was inside and release it, but you were always fearful of what others, including your lovers, would believe about you if you showed the truths. You gained expertise in mask wearing, fitting in wherever you needed to be, but ALWAYS hungry for someone to open up to completely. You found that person once, but also discovered you couldn't trust him with ALL of yourself, you weren't important enough to him. Perhaps, if you had had enough time together, you could have grown enough in trust to open yourself, BUT, again, you weren't important enough for him. Where is that one who will allow you to be completely your entire self? To reach inside of your safe place and help you draw out t...

  24 March 2026 In 2 days my little brother will be 72 years old. In a little over a month I will be 76, and in May my little sister will be 71. How fast time goes by. "sigh" I am finding some new things and areas of my life that have always been there but have changed in maturity and how they are expressed. New emotions, new internal experiences, new insight. New wisdom that makes me stop, look, and listen to where my footsteps are taking me. Ways to express myself and how I can feel sensual but not with youthful slutty expression. There's a big change I'm feeling. It's frightening, it can be over whelming, it's exciting and energizing. It's unknown but curious.   I like it....